Little Italy, Big Herbs

Paul and I were out running errands yesterday, and I was trying to figure out what we’d have for dinner.  I’ve been growing fresh herbs, and had a bunch of rosemary and purple basil reading for the picking.  I had a craving for Italian food and a nice red zin calling my name.  Unfortunately, we’d had a big lunch and Paul said he wasn’t going to be hungry enough for pasta, and thought a salad would be better.  Salad.  Really?

I pulled out my “errand” — the new 3GS iPhone we’d just bought to replace my first gen that woke up one morning and decided to stop working — and did a quick search online for a couple recipes.  I had my menu planned and the grocery list done by the time we got home, and as Paul took the pups out for their afternoon walk, I took off for Publix to buy just a few ingredients.  The menu?  Fresh tomato bruschetta, rosemary dipping oil with french bread, and Italian chicken lettuce cups.

I used the below recipes with a few slight variations.  I actually made the cups with canned chicken instead of buying a whole cooked chicken, and varied the amounts of the ingredients to my liking: no peppers or almonds, and though I often make my own dressings and vinaigrettes, I opted for a store-bought balsamic vin instead of homemade to speed up the process.  For the dipping oil, I chopped up some fresh rosemary, minced some garlic, and used a lot of cracked black pepper and some kosher salt with EVOO.

Dinner was light, but full of flavor.  Definitely more exciting than salad.  ;)

Lettuce Cups:  http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/italian-chicken-salad-in-lettuce-cups-recipe/index.html

Bruschetta:  http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/bruschetta_with_tomato_and_basil/

Tomato bruschetta & chicken lettuce cups

Fried Green Tomatoes

I remember having these as a little girl.  They were one of my favorite meals (yes, fried green tomatoes completely count as a meal for me, though tonight we also enjoyed a shrimp stir-fry so as not to starve the husband.)  I ran across the green tomatoes in the grocery store, and decided I could figure out what to do with them.  I got very lucky with this recipe, which turned out delishy-yumsous.

The Prep

My 2 large, green tomatoes were very chilly, having just been removed from the fridge.  I blanched them both before slicing them thickly.  Meanwhile, I had prepped a large frying pan warming (medium heat) with some cooking oil, a mixture of flour and coarse salt/pepper, a small bowl of milk, and a medium bowl of seasoned bread crumbs & grated parmesan cheese.  Each slice was first dunked in the flour mixture, then the milk, then the bread crumbs before being plopped into the pan.  I won’t lie.  This was a very messy process.  And somehow, I am sure I did not have sufficient hands, spatulas, or towels during this man-made assembly line of chaos.  But it happened, 3 large slices at a time.

The Cooking

Watch them.  Flip them.  Watch them longer. Good luck with that.  Move from pan to a paper-towel covered plate.

The Rest

The eating was great.  The dessert (ahem…I was taken to twisty treat as a reward for my mad skills) was amazing (butterfinger twirl, thank you very much).  The cleaning was less good. (Imagine complete chaos happening while cooking and prepping and not having a clue what I’m doing all at the same time, and then imagine the mess that would be made as a result of said chaos, and then imagine cleaning it all up.)

The experience was worth it — those were some fork-licking fried green tomatoes.

The End

A-Hole Deterrent Kit Now Available

For those of you who know me, you know I’ve tangled with an A-hole or two.  Then again, haven’t we all.  My parents taught me better than to name-call, but at some point, I think we just need to stop avoiding the pink elephant in the room, and call a spade a spade.  If you’re an A-hole, you know it.  And this blog post is here to let you know–we know it, too.

Thankfully, my friends and family do NOT fall into this category, so if you’re reading this, you know you’re a good person.  (Unless you’re an A-hole who knows how to use google.  Disclaimer: if someone sent you a link to this blog post, it’s either because they find the below as funny as I do, or they’re trying to tell you something.)  The bottom line is that we all encounter people from time to time that we just wish we didn’t have to deal with.  Am I right?  

PROBLEM SOLVED.  Thanks to my very close friend, DB, a solution now exists that will rid the world of A-holes, provided you have the proper tools.  Below is an account of how I came to discover the world’s best product (and tastiest snack) ever.  I hope you enjoy.

The anonymous email

From: AcmeAholeDeterrant@gmail.com
Received:  Friday, 5/15/09, 5:21 PM EST
Subject:  Your Order Has Shipped

Dear Jenni:
Thank you for your recent order from Acme, Inc.  Your A-Hole Deterrant Kit should arrive in the mail in 3-5 days. If you have not received your kit by then, please contact us at acmeaholedeterrant@gmail.com and reference order number 1234.  Thank you for your business! 

Acme Inc.
Making Whacky Happen for More than 50 years!

I had no idea who sent this, or why, or how they came to get my email address, or how they just happened to know that I was in need of such a tool, but I began eagerly awaiting my delivery!  The next morning, the mailman delivered a conspicuously un-marked package addressed to me.  When I opened it, I found my favorite snack: a large bag of Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Puffs, accompanied by the following unsigned letter:

The anonymous letter

Thank you for mailing away for the A-Hole deterrent kit. You have taken the first step in creating an A-Hole free environment. This kit is beautiful in its simplicity but for maximum effectiveness, please follow the instructions carefully.

1. Store your deterrent kit in a readily accessible place such as your top desk drawer so that you are always at the ready. If you are going mobile, a purse or laptop case may be substituted in place of the drawer. If you find that there are a lot of A-Holes in your environment, you may find the purchase of an additional deterrent kit to be more convenient than moving your kit from “base camp” to “mobile command.”

2. When you feel an A-Hole approach, reach for your deterrent device but don’t react too hastily or you might deploy prematurely. If the A-Hole doesn’t actually engage you, you may stand down and retire your kit to its storage area. If the A-Hole does begin to speak, reach into the deterrent kit and remove a rescue pellet. WARNING – keep the deterrent kit bag close to your person or the A-Hole may think you are offering to share and this would defeat the purpose (they would know you weren’t offering to share if they weren’t an A-Hole, but there you go). Gently place a pellet in your mouth and begin to chew. A calming euphoria should come over you as the spicy puffiness melts in your mouth. This should be enough to keep the calmly disinterested look on your face there until the A-Hole gets the hint and wanders away. If the A-Hole is now gone- well done! If they are still there, don’t feel bad- they might just me a big A-Hole, proceed to step 3.

3. For a big A-hole, place a second or perhaps third rescue pellet in your mouth – this will vary based on the size of your mouth and how loud the A-hole is speaking- and chew vigorously. You might notice at this point that not only are you experience a high YUM factor but you also cannot clearly hear the voice of the A-Hole over all the mad chewing. As a bonus, 2-3 pellets makes it nearly impossible to answer the A-Hole’s irrelevant and irritating questions, increasing the likelihood that they will go away faster. If you are compelled or forced by circumstance to respond to the A-Hole, your mouth will be full of a slimy, orange paste that is sure to gross them out causing them to leave or break eye contact. If they break eye contact and don’t leave, you will have to finish them off with an outlandish accusation such as, “How about you look me in the eye and stop looking at my chest?!” Yes, it might be untrue and mean, but they are an A-Hole and deserve it.

At this point, you should be A-Hole free but you may come across a circumstance where you run across a Major A-Hole. Don’t be alarmed, you can handle this. Proceed to step 4.

1. When confronted with a Major A-Hole, continue to place rescue pellets in your mouth and chew. This should help make any time you spend with the major A-Hole more palatable. You will notice that the kit stores are beginning to decline and this might cause some concern but rest assured this is all part of the end deployment plan. Now, when you are completely out of rescue pellets, lick both thumbs and run along the inside of the empty bag. Swiftly remove thumbs and rub across both of the A-Hole’s eyes. Now if your chance to escape! It will take quite some time for the spicy, orange haze to clear which should be plenty of time to make your get-away. A-Hole Problem solved!

But wait there’s more! Once your use of the A-Hole Deterrent kit becomes public, other A-Holes, even major ones, will steer clear or you giving you an A-Hole free environment!

*Manufacturer disclaims any responsibility for injury, loss of employment, criminal charges or moral crisis that might result from the use of our product.

No A-Holes!

 

 

From the bottom of my heart, DB, I thank you!!!  For anyone who wants to mail away for a kit of their own, feel free to email DB at AcmeAholeDeterrant@gmail.com or follow her on twitter!

 

 

 

Wine-y Chicken & Baked Tomato Bliss

I think the hardest part of this recipe was naming it.  Blurg (source:  Liz Lemon).  As my favorite recipes always are, I made this dish up on the fly with ingredients from the fridge.  

Cost: $0  
Yum Factor: 7/10

Marinate-it-up:

• Marinate frozen chicken tenderloins (don’t judge; it was this or delivery) in olive oil and cheap white wine that you opened when friends came over, only to discover you had inadvertently confused the good stuff with the cheap stuff.  Gotta get rid of it, right? 
• Pour the wine on generously after coating chicken with salt & pepper.

Cook-it-up:

• Pre-heat oven.  I don’t know at what.  Try 350, but you might need to up it at the end, depending on how fast or slow you are at the rest of this.
• Make chicken happen.
  • Heat some EVOO in a skillet with fresh garlic until the stinky stuff turns a bit golden.
  • Add the chicken, more S&P, and some capers, and cook it up.  Half way through, I’d add some more of that white wine.  Not like you’re going to drink the swill, so you might as well share with the chicken.
• Meanwhile, create your own tomato bliss.
  • Cut up a couple tomatoes into thin(ish) slices and spread flat onto a greased pan.  
  • Cut up even thinner (mandolin or slightly thicker) onion slices and put on top of tomato slices.
  • Mix concoction of melted butter, fresh squeezed lemon (yes, I happened to have that, too!), fresh minced garlic, salt/pepper, and fresh basil, thinly sliced (you’re going to have to get an aerogarden so suck it up and buy one now unless you want to grow your own…like, in a pot or something).
  • Drizzle butter mixture over tomato/onion thingees, sprinkle on some fresh parsley (thanks, aerogarden), maybe add a touch of parmesan cheese (shredded, if possible), and throw it in the oven.  Don’t bother setting a timer.  It is what it is at this point.
• Throw a tiny sauce pan on a little burner and pour all of the balsamic vinegar you can find into the pot.  Okay, if you find a full bottle, only use about 1/3 — but realistically, you’re lucky to have any of that goddess nectar lying around because you drowned your last salad in it, am I right?!  You’re going to want to keep it on low-medium heat so it reduces whilst the rest of the deliciousness works on becoming dinner material.  Keep an eye on it.  Don’t screw this up.  Bubbles:  good.  Burning:  bad.
• Get a pot full of water boiling for pasta.  Single?  Small pot.  Married to an eater?  Go ahead and put more than you think you’d possibly ever need.  No one wants to hear, “is that all the pasta you’re making?  Oh…”
• Check point!
  • How’s the chicken?  Did you add white wine yet?  No!?!  Come on.  Stay with me here….
  • Check on those tomatoes and onions.  They should look like they’re not cooking fast enough.  Okay, maybe they shouldn’t look like that, but mine did.  You have to figure out how to handle this on your own.  This is a free recipe so I’m not going to do everything for you.  Puh-lease.
  • Is someone setting the table?  They should be.  Assign this to any living creature with only two legs.  And treat yourself to something fancy.  Like non-swill-wine.  You deserve it, chef!
• When everything looks done, it is.  What follows is my recommendation for presentation.  
  • Pasta goes on plates.  Not rocket science.
  • Chicken goes on pasta.  Grab those runaway capers and make sure they make it onto the plate!
  • Tomato bliss goes on chicken.
  • Blue cheese crumbles covers tomato bliss.
  • Fresh chopped parsley floats on blue cheese.
  • Balsamic vin reduction drizzles all over entire meal.
• And…you’re welcome

Clean it up:

If you’re like me, you just fall asleep on the couch and wake up with all the dishes done.  Tight work!

Twitter 101

A lot of friends have asked for a little assistance on getting started with Twitter.  I hope this helps!  Feel free to pass along.

Account set-up

Simply go to http://twitter.com.  It’s free to set-up an account, and it’s extremely easy.

Start tweeting 

• A tweet is another word for a post or a status update.  
• You only have 140 characters (which includes spaces), so feel free to say whatever is on your mind, but keep it short!  
• Your tweets will automatically post on the home page of any of your followers.  They are also viewable by anyone who visits your page and clicks to view your updates.
• A good rule of thumb is to tweet about INTERESTING things that other people would care to know, and to deliver your tweet in such a way that it engages your audience.  Bad example:  “band meeting time.”  Good example:  “Meeting with the band to discuss the upcoming launch of our new record.  Taking suggestions for titles! Any ideas?”  
• Also, be sure to comment on your followers’ tweets.  This starts a dialogue, helps build relationships, and is simply good twitter etiquette.
• One last note on getting started:  There are a lot of silly words used in the “twitterverse” so don’t be offended if someone calls you a “twit”!  Anything that can have “tw” added to the beginning of the word is fair game. It can get a little twirdiculous, but that’s just how it goes.  

The reply

• If you post a tweet using the “@” symbol, followed by a screen name (e.g. @rockpink or @jennismith26) in the beginning of a tweet, this is called a “reply”.  
• If you just put someone’s @[name] somewhere else in the tweet other than the beginning, it’s not actually considered a reply, but it’s a way to refer to someone that makes it easy for them to track.  
• There is a button on your home page called @[name] that will show you all mentions of your screen name.  
• People like to see mentions of their name, so rather than saying, for example, that you are attending a meeting with jenni smith, be sure to say you are attending a meeting with @jennismith26. 
• Remember NOT to use a space between the “@” symbol and the name.

The direct message

• If you post a tweet with “d [@name]” in the beginning of a message, this is called a “direct message” or “DM”.  
• Only the person you DM can see it.  You can only DM someone that is following you.  
• Remember to put a space between the “d” and the @[name] for a DM.
• Many twits auto-DM.  Don’t do this.  It’s really annoying.  On rare exception, I’ve received an auto-DM that I didn’t mind because it provided something I was actually interested in (e.g. a free e-book I found interesting, or a time-sensitive announcement, which clearly was changed frequently so that new followers would never receive outdated info.)  If you’re not sure if your auto-DM will be great or not, don’t do it.

The retweet

• If you precede a tweet with “RT @[name], this is a “retweet” or “RT”.  
• RTs are used to spread tweets, links, pictures, or whatever else someone posts that you like and want to share with your followers.  
• To RT, you would start your tweet with “RT”, then add a space, then “@[name]“, and then copy and paste the tweet exactly as you see it.  For example, if I wrote “Come support breast cancer awareness and rock out with Lita Ford!” and you wanted to retweet that, you would do this:  “RT @jennismith26 Come support breast cancer awareness and rock out with Lita Ford!”  
• Personally, i like to add my own comment at the end, so I will put my thoughts in parentheses and reference myself like this:  “RT @jennismith26 Come support breast cancer awareness and rock out with Lita Ford! (me: I will be there!)”  Another way of retweeting is to simply copy and paste the entire tweet and add “via @jennismith26″ at the end as opposed to using RT at the beginning.

The retweet of a retweet

• Occasionally, you will want to retweet something that has already been retweeted by someone else.  So who do you give credit to??  There are a couple acceptable ways to do this, but here’s how I do it.  If you wanted to retweet @personA’s retweet of my original tweet, you would say, “RT @jennismith26 Come support breast cancer awareness and rock out with Lita Ford! (via @personA)”.  
• In other words, you retweet the original tweeter, and then give credit to the most recent tweeter that you saw the message through by saying “via” that person.
• Some apps (like Tweetie on the iPhone) use the “via” option instead of using “RT” at all.  Again, there are a couple ways to do it; it’s just a matter of preference.

The trend

• The symbol “#” is a hashmark.  It is used to trend topics.  
• To find topics being trended, you can go to http://search.twitter.com and type in your search term to see all mentions of it.  
• If you post a tweet about a topic that is being trended, be sure to use the hashtag so others following that topic will see your relevant tweet.  
• Examples:  Search for #followfriday or #RNRK as examples and see what you find! 

Integration with facebook status

• There is a little application some guy developed recently that has been getting a lot of attention.  If you add #fb to the end of your tweets, it will automatically add it to your facebook and update your facebook status.  If you want to do this, just go to your facebook page, locate the applications at the bottom left of your facebook page, and search for “selective twitter status” to edit your settings.  
• Alternatively, you could just add the twitter app to your facebook page, in which case you’ll never need to add #fb at the end of your tweets.  ALL of your tweets that are NOT replies (remember, a reply is any tweet that begins with @[name]) will auto-post on facebook. 

Cell phone and desktop apps

If you want to manage your twitter account from your iPhone, you have a couple options. 

• If you are only going to manage ONE account, I would recommend twitterfon.  It works great and is free.  
• If you plan to manage multiple accounts like I do, I recommend Tweetie.  It’s $2.99 and worth the price since twitterfon only allows single account management.  
• Alternatively, there is a way to set up your non-iPhone phone to update your twitter status using regular SMS (text) messages.  It’s very simple, but text message rates do apply.  Just save yourself the hassle and buy an iPhone.  (Apple, if you would like to sponsor this page, please send me money.)

For your computer, you can definitely get by without any app at all, or you can choose a desktop application, though everything can really be managed on twitter.com.  For a huge account with a lot of followers, I’d recommend using a desktop client.  There are tons of free ones out there; it’s really just a matter of matching your preferences with your needs. 

• On my pc at work where I manage only a single account, I really like Tweetdeck.  
• At home, on my mac, I manage multiple accounts using Twhirl.  

There are a lot of tools out there that you can use to optimize your tweeting efficiency, but I’d suggest baby steps initially.  The above is definitely enough to get you started, but this is by no means an exhaustive list. 

Whatever you do,  be sure to follow me on twitter! http://twitter.com/jennismith26

Happy tweeting!

Rock ‘N Roll Karaoke

Dear people:

If you haven’t been out to Voyage on a Saturday night recently, you’re probably feeling some undefinable void deep in the crevices of your ego.  For a free self-diagnosis, take careful note of the following symptoms that you may be  currently experiencing. Consult your local Voyage bartender on Saturday nights if symptoms persist:  

• Severe shyness
• Wallet disfigurement due to paying too much for drinks at pretentious watering holes
• Not enough rock in your life
• Inflammation of the butt cheeks from viral-couch-potato-coccus
• Acute pain caused by annoying friends who tell you, “you really shouldn’t sing in public” (newsflash: they’re jealous!) 
• Chronic regret syndrome 

Rest assured, there is a cure for the above!  In fact, there are quite a few fantastic benefits (fantastifits) to the treatments:

• It’s free.  Yep.  You heard right.
• This chick will be there.  (You’re welcome)
• The bartenders are hot.
• The manager is sure to either remove an article of clothing, offer a piggy-back ride, or perform some other rock ritual.
• The band is killer.  I should have listed this one first.  Some of the top talent in Orlando, to be sure.
• You can overcome your stage fright.  (Come on, what do you *really* have to lose?  A little pride?  Been there; done that!)
• You’re sure to get a pretty even mix of witnessing great talent and hysterical performances.

In case you’re ready to rock, here’s the list of songs the band has in their arsenal.  When you get there, go to the back table, pick your card, and find ME.  I’ll get you on the list and scream my head off for you.  It’s all about having a good time.  Don’t deprive yourself!

See you at Voyage (On Pine St. @ Orange Ave.)
Every Saturday night (doors @ 10; band @ 10:30)
21+ FREE (Girls 18+ $5) 

ACDC – Highway to Hell 
ACDC – Back in Black 
Aerosmith – Sweet Emotion 
Alanis Morrisette – You Oughta Know 
Alice in Chains – Man in the Box 
Beastie Boys – Fight for your Right 
Billy Idol – Rebel Yell 
Billy Idol – White Wedding 
Blink 182 – All The Small Things 
Blur – Song 2 
Bon Jovi – Livin on a Prayer 
Bon Jovi – Wanted Dead or Alive 

Bon Jovi – You Give Love a Bad… 
Britney Spears – Womanizer 
Bryan Adams – Summer of ‘69 
The Darkness -  I believe in a thing called love 
Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar 
Divinyls – I Touch Myself 
Faith No More – Epic 
Finger 11 – Paralyzer 
Foo Fighters – Monkey Wrench  
Foo Fighters – Learn To Fly 
Georgia Sattelites – Keep Your Hands To… 
Green Day – Basket Case 
Green Day – Longview 
Guns & Roses – Welcome To The Jungle 
Guns & Roses – Sweet Child o Mine 
Hole – Celebrity Skin 

Jet – Are You Gonna Be My Girl 

Jimmy Eat World – The Middle 

Joan Jett – I love Rock n Roll 

Journey – Anyway You Want it 

Journey – Don’t Stop Believeing 

Journey – Separate Ways 

The Killers – Mr. Brightside 

Kings of Leon – Sex on Fire 

Kiss – Rock & Roll All Night 

Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl 

Kelly Clarkson – Since you’ve Been Gone 

Lady GaGa – Just Dance 

Led Zepplin – Rock n’ Roll 

Lenny Kravitz – Are You Gonna Go My Way? 

Lit – My Own Worst Enemy 

Lita Ford – Kiss Me Deadly 

Loverboy – Working For The Weekend 

Metallica – Enter Sandman 

Michael Jackson – Beat It 

Nickelback – I Wanna Be a Rockstar 

Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit 

No Doubt – Just a Girl 

Pat Benatar – Hit Me With Your Best Shot 

Pearl Jam – Jeremy 

Pink – So What 

Poison – Talk Dirty To Me 

Puddle of Mudd – She Hates Me 

Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody 

Ramones – I Wanna Be Sedated 

Rick Springfield – Jessie’s Girl 

The Romantics – What I Like About You 

Stone Temple Pilots – Plush 

Sublime – Santeria 

The Ting Tings – That’s Not My Name 

Three Doors Down – Kryptonite 

Tracy Bonham – Mother Mother 

Twisted Sister – We’re Not Gonna Take It 

Van Halen – You Really Got Me 

Van Halen – Jump 

Weezer – Say It Ain’t So 

Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag 

Whitesnake – Here I Go Again

What the LOL?!?

previously, in jenni world…

in an email-ersation earlier today, a friend and i were discussing the term “LOL.” where did this “LOL” expression come from, anyway? i am fairly new to LOL myself (the typing of it; not the action of laughing out loud, which i do, often) and so i offer up the following definition to help other virgin LOL-ers.

according to…uh…

LOL.  (el oh EL).  an expression used when I have:

1. said something not funny enough to warrant a genuine laugh, and am fishing for a pity laugh;
2. insulted you on accident…oh crap…what do i do now…i know…i’ll just type “LOL”;
3. insulted you on purpose and am LOL-ing at you, not with you; 
4. got to put an end to this banal back-and-forth-bull-shit IM chat and…hmm…LOL seems to offer an appropriately smooth finish…i think i’ll use that;
5. no idea what LOL means but the cool kids seem to be typing it so what the hay.

Never spoken. Always appropriate. LOL.

Hello world!

i’ve decided to blog.  

it was a sudden decision that i’m only backing 50% now.  heather lewis is a full-fledged supporter, however, and as i support heather lewis 100%, i have decided to give my blog a chance.  final outcome to be determined.  but in my decision to blog, i’ve realized quickly that i’ll need to some set of boundaries that will define my tone and audience.  (i know, it seems backwards to decide audience after we get rolling here, but it’s *my* blog. thanks.)  but i digress…note: you’re going to need to prepare for digressions…

let’s set some rules, shall we?

i think my first boundary will be in usage of what some might call “potty language.”  and by “boundary,” i mean “a minor rule that i can break any time i want” (because it’s *my* blog. thanks.)  and by “some,” i mean “my mom.” and by “potty,” i mean “funny, but not in a tasteful way.” so, since it’s my first boundary, i’m going to start small, with the word, “shit.”  and i’m gonna say, <insert pondering face> it’s fair game.  (sorry, mom.)  

relax.

look, i’m not saying it’s a word that needs to be used frequently or anything.  i’m just not ready to be so censor-y or exclusionary toward such an innocuous word.  (note: i realize how overly fancy-word-laden that last sentence was, and believe me, i seriously contemplated deleting it so that i wouldn’t be immediately written off as thesaurus-y, but then i thought a) i’m not dumbing this down for the slow peeps.  look that shit up!† and b) i just wrote “thesaurus-y” because i’m too lazy to look up a word for what i wanted to say and that should prove that i wasn’t being thesaurus-y in the first place.)

and…i’m out.

well, with one boundary set, i think i’m all set.  that’s all i’ve got.  i might do this again.  it was kinda fun.  

†extremely appropriate usage of (within-bounds) 1st boundary word.